What We’d Really Do with Superpowers

Everyone wants superpowers. Mostly because they’re cool and also because everyone has that fantasy where they fight crime in a cape and move about the night with stealth and intelligence as opposed to tripping over their trash cans and alerting your parents when they were thirteen. However, the fact of the matter remains that if you were to have superpowers in this day and age, in this reality- a world where super villains tend to be scarce unless you’re an Eco terrorist, having superpowers would be a plus sure. But what you would actually do with them would be greatly reduced awesome. Here are some of the most popular superpowers and what the average person would probably do with them.

1)      Psychic Abilities ( Telekinesis and Telepathy)

To move things with your mind has got to be one of the most common and also the most useful superpower in a world of corrupt mutants and millionaires. In your everyday life it would probably amount to something like you being too lazy to go get the remote from the other couch and just levitating it over to you. Or any object you can’t bring yourself to get up and get. Sure, you could use it to deflect some bullets, if you were a spy or a cop. But the chances are you’d be your everyday office worker who could move files without touching them.

Telepathy has a wider range or uses, for instance actually hearing what other people think, such as the President and his thoughts on a war, what the professors really thinks of the class, where your mother hid the Christmas presents. Telepathy is never not useful, if you use it solely to find out the office gossip as opposed to hearing what people actually think of you. Then you might become sad and spend the rest of your days elbow deep in Nutella staring at your fish because sadly you are allergic to cats.

2)      Intangibility/Invisibility

These two are all about stealth and not being held back/found. Sure you could become a super spy or excellent bank robber with them, but mostly you’d probably use them to spy on people. In a perverted sense. That hottie from the gym that you only imagined naked, you could potentially see naked. But that’s wrong and you shouldn’t do that. That’s called being a peeping Tom and is illegal. Most likely. Other than just your everyday spying, you could use it to mess with people or weird ghost sex fantasies for your significant other.  This also may be illegal, but probably not unheard of.

 

3)      Fire/Ice/Energy  Blasts

Outside of combat and a laser show and fireworks, energy blasts would serve little purpose in our reality. It be totally cool that you could blow things up, but not exactly useful. Fire would suffer a similar fate. Sure you won’t need a lighter anymore, or a stove or you know, a fire while camping, but in terms of showing off it seems that you could work in Hawaii or the circus.

Ice would be a little more lenient. While in the movies and comics people with ice powers use them for combat and defense, you could also surf around on it for shits and giggles, make a rink, lose the need for an ice maker, or ice in general. And singlehandedly reinforce the polar ice caps and save us all from rising sea levels. If you have the money to get to the poles that is. Really if you were to have these powers in our current state of affairs, you could use them for some cheap tricks and convenience, frightening off a mugger, but not much else. After all, they are only useful in combat, unless you want to burn the meter maid for giving you a ticket. In which case you are on your way to being a super villain.

4)      Super Anything (Strength, Speed, Reflexes)

Now these would be entirely conceivable in the real world. I mean there are people that can lift cars and Olympics leveled athletes could be considered all three of these at some points. But for your everyday average fellow, heightened and super human abilities like these serve a practical purpose. For speed most people would use that for more sleeping in the morning before work. I would anyway, and to also make unpleasant task over and done quicker. Like filing, which I have come to despise. Super strength would be overall convenient because you wouldn’t have to worry if something is too heavy, like looking embarrassed as you struggle past the middle aged women with the files you are returning to the file room. Once again, I hate filing. And reflexes would just be dandy. No more awkward clumsy falls that you almost catch yourself, but don’t and scape your hand on the curb.

5)      Regeneration

In a world without super villains, in a world without aliens threatening to blow it up every two weeks and without much in the way of comic book excitement- regeneration or self-healing would probably be the most useful and most appreciated. Especially as teenager with all of their reckless tomfoolery. It also gets rid of the everyday annoyances in life like paper cuts, headaches and STDS. Think of how much you’ll save on condoms! And also general healthcare. But the important thing is that you would lose the fear of pain, of being held back because you might get hurt or injured. Like if a shark attacks you in the ocean. It really isn’t such a big deal anymore because your leg will grow back. Or Skydiving. You wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not your parachute opens because it wouldn’t matter. Basically regeneration/self-healing would lessen fear and boost confidence. This is an all-around pretty awesome thing.

So life with super powers given to your everyday average person would certainly be less exciting than if they were clad in tights and dodging bullets, but they would not be negative. Unless your superpower was that every time you stare at someone they have a fifty/fifty chance of spontaneously combusting. That would kind of suck. And be difficult to manage.

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