Top Five Ways to Kill Aliens in the Event of an Invasion

Casual Spaceship Lying Around? Perfect.

This tactic comes straight from the movie Independence Day. Here’s the scenario: The aliens have blown-up the White House, as they always do, and our weapons are useless against their defense shields, what do we do? Get Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum to fly an abandoned alien ship to the mother ship and implant a virus into the alien’s main computer system, shut down their defenses for a few minutes, and have the resident alcoholic sacrifice himself for mankind by flying his ship straight into the center of their warship. This is the last ditch effort that saved the world, I would suggest not going about using this method until you have exhausted all other options. I only say this because it will be unlikely that you have a spare alien ship lying around, and in the off chance that you do, good luck trying to learn how to fly it.

Can I Have a Glass of Water?

Here is a personal favorite of mine, it’s so simple, yet so effective, and one of Earth’s natural resources. What is it, you say? Well, it’s water, of course. Courtesy of Bo, from the movie Signs, we have one of the easiest ways to rid the world of aliens; just toss some Poland Spring on them! If you’re looking for a quick fix, this should most definitely be one of your first defense options, so always keep your water bottle handy! If the water doesn’t work try other household items such as condiments, maybe a mixture of acidic items like vinegar or tomato juice. However, in the event that your alien has protective gear on, I suggest you run instead.

Down and Dirty

It was inevitable that Will Smith would be on my list two times he’s just too badass for his own good. Let’s god back to a time before Men in Black II, and remember the good old days when there was just Men in Black, the original and the best. In the occasion that your alien is a giant insect with an indestructible hard outer shell I suggest following Will Smith’s lead. All you have to do is get a giant gun, or a miniature one, have the insect swallow you and then shoot it from the inside. Don’t worry, you’ll be a little bit covered in alien guts, but it’s nothing that can’t be washed off later.

I’m Calling You

Now, if someone were to ask me how I would try and destroy the aliens in the event of an invasion, this method would be my first choice. I choose this method not only for the great music, but also for the poetic way in which the aliens meet their demise. All the awards go to the movie Mars Attacks!, for showing us that sometimes all you need to save the world is a little country music courtesy of grandma. Personally, this is the most satisfying way to watch the aliens die, and also the most comedic way. I mean, the music causes their giant heads to explode, they actually self-combust, how could anything else be better? Need I remind you that they’ve killed the President and also destroyed the Donut Shop? I didn’t think so they clearly deserved it.

The Common Cold

Unfortunately, this final method of alien destruction lies outside of human power, and it comes from the 1953 movie War of the Worlds, the one sans Tom Cruise. Ironically enough, the planet that the alien’s thought would be most beneficial to them, was the planet that would be their demise. Just because their technology is more advanced than ours, doesn’t mean their bodies are. Also don’t forget that when things seem most hopeless, the Earth will defend itself against those that weren’t meant to be there.

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