Metal Hurlant Chronicles (Season 1 – Episodes 7 & 8)

BEWARE: I SPOIL.

Everyone, let’s take a moment of silence for the hot mess that is the seventh episode, “The Loyal Khondor.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Done? Okay, I’m starting. Khondor! Damn—damn. It was that serious for you? Let me back up a bit.

So, someone lost a war. King Targot (Marc Duret) is the captain of the defeated, a dying race of people who have been forced to flee their homeland and wander around in a spaceship. His daughter, Princess Alaria (Marem Hassler), is slowly dying from a disease, which stinks, mostly because her death will cause an influx of suicides among their people. While applause is in order for having a fully-clothed female character, she spends most of the episode playing damsel in distress like this:

Whining and fainting, whining and fainting the whole time while her dad rubs her legs like a perv.

Khondor (Karl E. Landler), an Ochmere and servant to the king, offers his services to try and save the princess. Oh, interesting fact: Did you know that a condor is a type of vulture, and that Khondor’s facial features resemble the bird? Did you also know that condors mate for life, so perhaps that’s why Khondor is able to be that loyal to Alaria? Anyway, the schmuck decides that he has to go find Holgarth (John Rhys-Davies), an alchemist that got separated from their group, in hopes that he can mix up an elixir to cure the princess. The last person that Holgarth departed to meet was Xero Trobe (Kamel Laadaili). Sound familiar? This episode collides with “Second Chance” from last week. Like Joe Manda (Scott Adkins), Khondor ends up at the intergalactic casino.

After giving Xero a good, old fashioned butt-kicking, Khondor finds Holgarth in a lush greenhouse. Holgarth says that he’s concocted a formula that could give Khondor, the last of his kind, eternal life. Khondor, forever loyal, proclaims his unwavering allegiance to Alaria and refuses Holgarth’s offer, asking instead for a cure for Alaria.

Back in the presence of King Targot and Princess Alaria, Khondor concedes that the antidote was in their possession all along: the blood of an Ochmere.

So, in what I’ve come to understand as strictly MHC fashion, Khondor slits his own throat, and Alaria Dracula’s the hell out of his neck. A life for a life. Talk about the short end of the stick, Khonnie.

What’s worse is that there was probably another alternative that was less drastic, but apparently the Ochmere are an impulsive species. In the beginning of the episode, Khondor said Alaria had about a month. If she had drank some of Khondor’s blood everyday for a month until it would be the equivalent to all of his blood (what’s that, like six-ish quarts?), then he could’ve kept his life and she would’ve been cured! I wonder if that’s why his species is extinct. Sucks. He should’ve just taken the immortal potion and left that Alaria chick to die!

The next episode is called “Second Son.”

No one knows the plight of being number 2 better than Byron (Karl E. Landler). Constantly compared to his older brother, Tybalt (Guillaume Dolmans), Byron has become burdened by jealousy and weary of fighting with his brother. Where MHC takes this sibling rivalry to a completely different level is the actual fighting part. Their father, King Tobias (Dominique Pinon), drags his feet when it comes to naming an heir, choosing instead to pit his sons against one another in fights—to the death. How is he able to do this you ask? Well, the boys live in an enchanted castle that protects everyone within its walls from death. So, every time Tybalt strikes his brother, making a game of murdering him in various ways, Byron pops right back up, alive but with an array of scars from these deadly encounters.

Convinced by his girlfriend, Laerana (Frederique Bel), that the only way to defeat his brother is to end his life for good. They devise a scheme to lure Tybalt out of the castle’s protection and kill him. Laerana uses her…womanly wiles to entice Tybalt outside, and Byron stabs him with a sword, killing him instantly.

Isn’t there a song that goes something like “Never trust a big butt and a smile”? Basically, that’s the gospel in this story, because Laerana set Byron up! She told his father and Tybalt of his plans, displaying her loyalty for them and stabbing Byron in the back.

When Tybalt wakes up from the attack, King Targot names him the heir to the throne, and punishes Byron with a lifetime of torture until death in the dungeons of the castle. The worst part is that death will never truly come for the second son, and he’ll spend an eternity trapped in the cycle of abuse he so desperately wanted to put an end to. I guess younger siblings really do get the short end of the stick!

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