Hogwarts Houses: Arbitrary Classification

If you consider yourself a fan and loyal consumer of J. K Rowling, or perhaps if curiosity has gotten the best of you, or plain procrastination you created a Pottermore account specifically to have the one and only accurate Sorting Hat Quiz to finally without a doubt tell you which house it is you belong should you have been lucky enough to gotten a letter on your eleventh birthday. For diehard fans, finding out whether or not your part of the chosen House of Gryffindor or shamefully sent away to the kitchens for being a Hufflepuff is no laughing matter. There are some people who would refuse to tell which house they got because it was so shameful, others refusing to believe that the quiz designed by Rowling was accurate enough to place them into their proper house, and others going as far as to make multiple accounts to get the house they wanted (mostly, all of these people were probably sorted into Hufflepuff).

However in the end, if you really take a look as to who ends up in which house throughout the series and the qualities they possess, you’ll come to find that most of those characters overlap and furthermore, there appear to be questionable sortings at best. For instance, take a look at the three protagonists.

To start, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all sorted into Gryffindor a house that values courage, bravery, chivalry, and lions with glorious manes. There is no doubt that Harry does exhibit all of these qualities and more, but really he could equally as well have been sorted into Slytherin because of the ambition and drive he demonstrates. In fact, the only reason he might not have been sorted is because Ron brought up all of the nonsense about only evildoers and their lackeys get sorted there. As well, Harry’s particular sorting demonstrated the fact that the Sorting Hat does take into account choice in the entire manner and as such, how many characters thought in their heads” Well, I like birds more than snakes, but green is my favorite color…” as that ratty talking hat was mussing up their hair? Furthermore, family obligations such as Ron, Crabbe, and Goyle could also potentially muddle the waters.

Ron’s entire family had been sorted into Gryffindor; mum, dad, all of his brothers and eventually his sister. But if you look at the characteristics that Ron possesses you’ll find he is less on the chivalry and bravery end and more loyal, as a best friend should be. To look at his track record- he made Hermione cry their first year and in the seventh book abandoned his two best friends in the middle of nowhere- not the most chivalrous and fearless fellow out there. However, he is loyal- he stands by Harry through more than most and while some jealousy does seep through in the fourth book, he’s always there for him. A characteristic more fit for Hufflepuff. Similarly Crabbe and Goyle, like the greatest of toadies are slow, dimwitted, and demonstrate no ambition which are the qualities opposite of Slytherin.  Again, more loyal than anything else, and even that is questionable, they would be more fitting for Hufflepuff, no? You know, aside from the whole eugenic pureblood bullshit they were raised around. This brings us to Hermione.

Naturally witty and intelligent, not to mention pretty fearless, loyal, and pretty ambitious and precocious Hermione Granger could have probably fit into any of the houses at Hogwarts. You know, if Slytherin was more accepting of Muggleborns. However, her greatest characteristic would be her wit and creativity, as well as her natural love of knowledge. All things point to Ravenclaw, and there she was part of Gryffindor.

 

Again all of these characters show some degree of overlap between what it is appropriate for their Houses, which just really calls into question the point of the House system other than a way to divide students into a more manageable unit so they don’t all go pointing their wands at one another and blowing up the school.  As an example, Cedric Diggory who possessed all of the qualities that Harry himself had, but without the angst,  was in Hufflepuff and had Harry not been involved in the Triwizard tournament, probably would have won, and also not died. Cho Chang and he might have had beautiful half Asian, half Caucasian babies.  Perhaps they would have been sorted into Gryffindor.

So really, while a lot of people get hung up on which House they are most like, and bitch about how they may be placed into the House that is “particularly good finders” or the one where murder and genocide is A-Okay in their minds- it really doesn’t define what type of person they are or their skillset and ability .It was just an origin story for Hogwarts adapted into managing students. So those of you who were sorted in Hufflepuff that doesn’t mean you are going to end up the janitor at Hogwarts, or those sorted into Slytherin does not mean you have to be hip with the eugenics.  Just try to be true to your values and learn a thing or two about that wand you keep waving around. And I don’t mean your penis. Get your head out of the gutter.

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