An Imagined Date with Summer Glau

A lot of times actors and actresses auction themselves off for charity. For one evening they spend the night with someone who had bid the highest, all in an attempt to get them alone and talk about them. If I were an actor, while I’d be flattered that someone was willing to pay an exorbitant amount of money to spend some time with me, I’d also be extremely worried as well. Would the night end with a peck on the cheek or being tied up in their basement apartment as they make you dress up as the character from the show and sit there as they touch themselves.

Here is how I’d imagine a date with Summer Glau would go (Firefly, Sarah Connor Chronicles, Dollhouse) if she were to do one with an overzealous fan.  Keep in mind, this is entirely fictional and in no way representative of either party- Summer Glau or the fictional man named Friedrich who I just named two seconds ago.

SG: Wow, I can’t believe you shelled out three thousand dollars to go on a date with me…I, that is a really grand gesture. I have to ask, do you have someone in your family suffering from leukemia right now?

F: No.

SG: Oh, well then you’re quite the philanthropist.

F: You’re quite pretty.

SG: Thank you, you’re gonna make me blush.

F: So, um Summer- Ms. Glau, uh-

SG: Summer is fine. I mean I’m not even forty yet.

F: Well, Summer, um- wow, I just can’t believe I am sitting here with you, I mean. I’ve dreamed about this for years. Ever since I saw you on Firefly I’ve wanted to meet you.

SG: So, you’re a longtime fan then?

F: Definitely! I mean I must have watched each episode of Firefly a dozen times, and Serenity, gosh.

SG: Joss really knows how to write. Did you watch The Sarah Connor Chronicles?

F: A few episodes, but I was never really into Terminator series.

SG: Ha-ha, neither was I. Some people were kind of mad I got the part and had not actually even seen them.

F: WHO WAS MAD?! I’LL FIND THEM FOR YOU! I’ll FIND THEM AND CHOP OFF THEIR TOES!

SG: Um, wow, you can be quite loud when you want to… and it was no one. Really, just people were surprised I hadn’t seen them is all. So, what do you think you’re gonna get?

F: Oh, I don’t have any cash on me. I spent my earnings on this date with you.

SG: What? You, you spent all your money on this dinner? I don’t want to be rude, but I am not worth that much.

F: But you are though.  I have pictures to show you.

SG: Pictures? Of- of what?

F: Here take a look.

SG: Um…these are all of me. On set. And, are those my feet?

F: You have the most beautiful feet I have seen. Can I smell them?

SG: Friedrich this is becoming quite uncomfortable for me.

F: Please, I’ve waited so many years for this, I just- oh, uh.

SG:  What’s wrong? are you okay?

F: I’m fine, really. Just a little embarrassed.

SG: Well, I guess everyone has their things that they-

F: I got a little too excited.

SG: …I hope you don’t mean.

F: Don’t look at me.

SG: I’m out of here.

Summer gets up and walks away, while Friedrich struggles to get up, he begins chasing after her, but as he gets closer, he become pummeled by two security guards and he moans loudly throughout the restaurant, screaming after Summer.

So, that probably doesn’t happen on all of those special charity date auctions, but I imagine that anyway paying to meet a celebrity instead of bumping into one on the street might be looking for something a little more than a casual dinner and peck on the cheek good night. This is also why for security measures they are never really left alone with them.

This is why I intend on meeting celebrities I happen to obsess over the good old fashioned way, by finding out their address, studying their routes and schedules, and then casually bumping into them before asking for an autograph and picture.

 

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