Missing Out on The Star Wars Experience

The general reaction of people when I had admitted that I never had seen Star Wars crosses a multiple range of emotions, but never elicited any form of boredom. Often times there were glares, anger, shock, confusion, and on more than one occasion physical violence. I have both been head-butted and kicked in the shins after admitting such a grievous sin. What was probably worse was the fact that from then on the absence of this film from the list of movies I had seen or masturbated over was used against me. In some weird way, I went from being a perfectly acceptable nerd to a power, like Steve Martin in Bringing Down the House; I lacked the Star Wars bling. Often times when Star Wars would be brought up I’d become pale, my palms sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy- I’m sorry I was losing myself.  This past winter break I decided to watch the first film in the series, not only in an attempt to stop the death threats and to not be introduced as “the guy who hasn’t seen Star Wars”, but also to finally understand and be a part of something that defined a generation and continues to define a subculture in America.  And after having done so, now twice I still feel like I am on the outside looking in. And I think I know why.

There are certain points in a person’s life where if they don’t experience something, they will never readily comprehend it- for instance language and the capability of speaking. If it doesn’t happen early on, if there is no exposure to words and language people grow up only being able to screech and grunt- Donnie from The Wild Thornberrys.  The same can be said of various cultural elements including Star Wars. Sometime between that tiny age of seven with a squish able brain and tireless legs on Halloween and when we begin to poison our livers with alcohol- there is a point in that period where seeing Star Wars is necessary in order to fully grasp the film. To want to dress up as Darth Vader as Halloween, to play with a flashlight like a light saber, to name their teddy bear Chewie. I missed that point; somehow I a self-described recovering Joss Whedon fan boy had missed watching Star Wars at a necessary point. How did this happen? How did this bar mitzvah, this confirmation of nerdliness not happen for me?

Well for starters, when I was younger I had less of inkling for lasers and more of a need to pretend I was a dinosaur and eat the treestars outside. I watched The Land Before Time so much that the tape wore out, religiously watched The Crocodile Hunter and Jeff Corwin Experience. I was less concerned with space ships and lasers and all about jumping on the back of twenty foot reptiles and learning to speak in an Australian accent. And then after those tender years of Lunchables and Halloween parades, life in general got in the way and I had already been bombarded by all of the references to Star Wars in television that I just pieced together what I could and got the rest from IMDB. While that is no way to watch a film I was more preoccupied with a tiny blond girl kicking ass and not flunking geometry to spend time watching a film from the seventies.

Whenever I would try and explain this to most people, they took it very personally- like I was bashing the film franchise, that I didn’t recognize its importance within the industry and with its far reaching abilities in defining a generation and an entire facet of American culture. That I never did, even if I didn’t like it there is no one able to deny the films importance. But when I sat down to watch it this past winter break, as I sat uninterrupted comfortably enclosed in a blanket in the dark I finished and didn’t feel any different. Perhaps I could just understand better who Hubba the Jutt was. My mind wasn’t blown, I didn’t want to go out and add it to my favorites on Facebook. All I really wanted to do was play some videogames with lasers. I went in with my hopes high, and all the events fell short. I missed that window.  When I watched Star Wars, obviously there were no pangs of nostalgia, not biting my lip and remembering the first time I became a man to Princess Leia. For me, Star Wars will always be just a film. I’ll always be a on the outside looking in with that film franchise, like a leper at Christmas peering in through the window.

But there are other film franchises, other mediums just as notable as Star Wars and have the same affect. There are millions of people that missed that boat on Harry Potter, millions of people who didn’t read Catcher in the Rye in high school.  I guess I’ll just have to live with being a part of those experiences instead.

After all, where some people have built the Death Star out of Legos, twice, I have multiple wands from Harry Potter and a marauders map, proudly on display when alone in my room and then secretly hidden away when guests come over.  And to be honest, I’d rather be a wizard than a Jedi.

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